Diary of a Blood Ray - February 7th, 2005

I slept about three hours last night.  My head is killing me, and the rest of my body is aching in sympathy.  I felt these maladies were enough to keep me out of work today, so I called in.  I thought, considering everything that's been going on, that this would be good for me.  I guess I should have anticipated that there would be a man with a jackhammer about a hundred feet outside of my apartment.  I really should have known.  Everyone should anticipate the presence of a jackhammer when one is home sick. 

Asher emailed me last night, being much kinder to me than I deserve.  He said he understood that it just wasn't right for us, and that he doesn't regret meeting me, and that I brought out a side of him that he'd never shown before.  He also asked me to not make any attempt to contact him. 

This is the first time I've been the one to end something serious, and I'm surprised at how much I'm hurting (though I feel guilty for that).  I never thought that when I finally found someone who'd love me unconditionally, it wouldn't end in happily ever after.

I thought that, considering my current emotional situation, today was as good a day as any to go the library and check out the 1931 German-language version of The Threepenny Opera.  I've been eyeing for a few weeks and figured I'd get around to checking it out eventually. 

After lunch with -Sebastian-, I marched into the library to grab the movie and settle down for an afternoon of Weill, Brecht and Lenya.  I knew it was going to be different from the stage version, but, if all else failed, it did retain the song "Pirate Jenny" (which I've come to adapt as my latest anthem), so it wasn't going to be a total wash. 

The movie wasn't there.  I figured someone must have just shelved it wrong.  Couldn't find it.  Finally went to the directory (is that what they're called now?  I really almost typed "card catalogue."  I miss the 70s) and it said that it was checked out.  Seriously.  Who else with a library card for the St Louis City Library could possibly want to watch this movie but me? 

I should probably marry this person, whomever it is.